jumping hurdles

my mother's fear was palpable. there was no way to hide it.



 my father seemed fearless, which was always a ruse.

they were both incredibly brave.


my daddy started a roofing business in the middle of winter in his early 30's with a wife and four children to care for.




                                                 My mother whose terror of water made her drop out of Furman because of their swimming requirement watched all of her children enter the lake to swim and ski and boat.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   i am not without fear as i contemplate selling our house and living as a gypsy for at least five months and maybe more.

it is a great unknown and i am old enough now to know what bad things can happen. good health is no longer a given. bad things can happen. but i've also learned that wonderful things can happen.

 i think i need to follow the family tradition of bravery where it takes me. i have followed my mother's bravery in letting my children do things and go places that scare me because i would not hold them back.


 now is the time to follow my daddy, to venture forth into uncertainty because of the rewards it might hold. perhaps i will be as rich in experience as he was rich in material things which he so generously shared with others. perhaps through this blog, i will be able to share the gifts i find along the way.

when change is inevitable...

i retired early. well, only a year sooner than i planned; but still, it wasn't really my choice. for those three people who follow my blogs it was the result of an accident caused by a seizure from an

epilepsy i didn't know i had. i recovered from the concussion and even pt'ed my way through shoulder surgery, but i couldn't get my seizures under control and i promised my principal i wouldn't stick her with what i thought of as a substandard service provider. and so i retired. my husband is also retired... early with pay, and also not really his choice, but one he is quite happy with.

so we found ourselves in a four bedroom house with 2+ acres (and most of it needing to be cut)  in a small rural town with our grown children in chicago, oregon and california.

it's time to move.

we bought a lot in port st. joe, florida two years ago when we discovered my perfect place... no sidewalks but only because they aren't needed. almost six miles of bike trails wrap around this small town. that's what i liked. my husband found the boat ramp five blocks away more appealing.... and best of all it was cheaper than anything we could find anywhere else. this is a place where there is a thrift store across the street from  the beach. i don't know why it's such a well kept secret, but i hope it stays that way. so it's time to think seriously about getting there. thus, an architect, lot prep and a builder.

"i think you're crazy to move down there away from your family and support," says my brother. and he's probably right. but he and my sister, particularly, have supported me and taken care of me so much in my life; and i just think it's time they had a break.

as long as my parents were alive, this part of south carolina would always be my home.... and they needed me. the only person who really needs me now is my one true friend doris. but our friendship will weather the miles. my siblings have busy, friend-filled lives and their children are all close. they don't really need me. when pam (and heath) were in the hospital, i could barely get in the room to see them because it was so crowded with friends. when kerry was in the hospital, his mother and brother were our only visitors. (doris was having a family crisis.) and holidays here are in the plan. outside of holidays, time with family has mostly revolved around attending their children's sporting events (which is probably why i see so much more of pam and jerry) and their children are pretty much grown (although i will probably miss some of leslie's feats) so my ties here are strong but will also stand the test of miles.

... and i do have other friends.... but except for fred and paula, we don't really see much of each other anyway... thank god for internet.

the hardest part may be leaving the best church i've ever known.   triunemercy.orgtriune mercy center has shown what real church is supposed to be like, where rich and poor, housed and homeless,  those who smell really good and those who really don't, black and white and every color is not only welcome but take an active role in worship. i don't know what we will find in florida, but i don't think i can ever return to a mostly white congregation. we may have to be the token whites in our future.

but i'm leaving because it's what i taught my children to do. they will tell you that we never took a vacations; we had adventures. since they've been gone, we haven't done much of that... my trip to south africa with maura the exception.

when i was young, i was always ready for the next adventure.

 i think it's time to rediscover that inner me. and i have learned (and my children have learned) that adventures are not always safe. there can be fear as well as excitement. there can be sorrow as well as joy... there can be rappie pie! (inside joke) but there can also be meat cove and bryce canyon and protrero.

and nothing in life is a given... but every day is a gift.

kerry and i are planning to open some new gifts in our old age. (when you're past 60, you really can't claim to be middle aged any more)